# Glossary These definitions reflect how terms are commonly understood and defined within the BDSM community. Some mainstream versions of these definitions are sanitized for palatability. They soften the intensity, or make assumptions about consent, trust, or aftercare that, while important, aren’t part of the term itself. This disconnect between the polite explanations and what these terms actually represent creates real risks. Someone using a more mainstream understanding may agree to something far more intense than they anticipated, while their partner assumes they understand the full scope of what they’re consenting to. This doesn't mean there's only one right way to do something, but knowing how the community typically understands these terms helps ensure everyone is truly on the same page. ## Common Definitions ### 24/7 ```yaml id: 24-7 see: [total-power-exchange] ``` A dynamic where power exchange is continuous rather than limited to negotiated scenes. Describes *when* a dynamic applies, not *how much* authority is exchanged: a 24/7 arrangement may be narrow or expansive in scope. Though often conflated with Total Power Exchange, which is 24/7 by nature, the reverse isn't true. ### aftercare ```yaml id: aftercare ``` The care and attention given to participants after a scene ends. This may include physical comfort, emotional support, hydration, snacks, or whatever helps people transition back from a scene. Needs vary by person and scene intensity. ### bottom ```yaml id: bottom see: [top] ``` The person on the receiving end of an interaction. This is distinct from the submissive role; one may bottom while playing a dominant role. ### consent ```yaml id: consent see: [negotiations] ``` Agreement to participate in an activity. This can be given verbally, non-verbally, or through pre-established agreements. Consent can be withdrawn, though how this happens varies. Some use safewords, direct communication, or other pre-negotiated conditions. ### dominant (dom/domme) ```yaml id: dominant see: [submissive] ``` A person who takes the leadership or controlling role in a power exchange dynamic, directing their partner and often acting upon them. *Note: Though "Dom" is commonly used as a gender-neutral term, "domme" specifically indicates a feminine-identified dominant.* ### kink refractory period ```yaml id: kink-refractory-period ``` A temporary shift immediately following orgasm where kinks or fetishes that felt highly compelling moments before can abruptly lose some of their appeal — anywhere from lessened interest in some to active aversion or outright disgust in others. Typically more pronounced in men, this is a normal physiological response that fades and does not reflect one's long-term sexual interests or identity. ### lorem ```yaml id: lorem entries: [summo-atria-femina] ``` Lorem markdownum laborum: secutum vela conduntur in passim interdum, mea quisque fores fecit amicas, sub! De terraque `load_sequence_p` omnes! *Natasque* utinam iacet ture ante et Colchi, cuspide dicto ex ordo. Et enim illius, sua una contentusque vicit. ### negotiations ```yaml id: negotiations see: [consent, safeword, soft-limits, hard-limits] ``` The process by which participants establish the parameters of a scene or dynamic — desires, limits, and practicalities. Negotiations define the space an interaction will occupy, not its script. In established dynamics, negotiations may become less formal and evolve over time. ### post nut clarity ```yaml id: post-nut-clarity see: [kink-refractory-period] ``` A colloquial term for the abrupt “sobering” shift in mental state some people experience after orgasm, when arousal drops and interest in sexual activities diminishes sharply. Originally used to describe a clear-headed reset, it’s also often associated with feelings of embarrassment, guilt, shame, regret, or disgust. In kink contexts, this can overlap with the kink refractory period. ### resistance play ```yaml id: resistance-play see: [safeword, consensual-non-consent] ``` A dynamic where genuine resistance and the act of overcoming it are desired elements rather than signals to stop. ### safeword ```yaml id: safeword see: [traffic-light-system] aliases: [safe word] ``` A pre-negotiated word or signal used to pause, check in, or stop a scene immediately. Safewords exist outside the scene's normal language, which allows verbal refusal, pleading, or struggle to be used as part of a dynamic without being treated as genuine requests to stop. A common system uses traffic light colors. ### scene ```yaml id: scene see: [negotiations] ``` A negotiated period of BDSM activity with a defined beginning and end that includes specific agreed-upon activities. Typically ranging from minutes to hours. ### submissive (sub) ```yaml id: submissive see: [dominant] ``` A person who takes the receptive or yielding role in a power exchange dynamic, consensually ceding control and often following direction or being acted upon by their dominant partner. ### switch ```yaml id: switch ``` A person who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles. While some may switch mid scene, some only take on different roles with different partners or in different scenes. ### top ```yaml id: top see: [dominant, bottom, topping-from-the-bottom] ``` *1.* The person who directs the specific actions, sequence, or conditions of an interaction — determining what will happen, in what order or under what conditions. Topping may happen in advance or in the moment, and need not encompass every element. This is distinct from the dominant role; one may top a scene even while playing a submissive role within it. *2.* At the level of a specific act, the person taking the active role — tying, striking, or applying sensation. ### topping from the bottom ```yaml id: topping-from-the-bottom see: [top, bottom, consent, negotiations] ``` When a person in the bottom role directs or manipulates the actions of the top, often covertly, violating the top's consent and the dynamic both parties agreed to. When a bottom directs with the top's full knowledge and consent, it is simply topping. The term is sometimes misapplied to submissives asserting limits or communicating needs, which are not topping from the bottom but legitimate aspects of negotiation. ### traffic light system ```yaml id: traffic-light-system see: [safeword] ``` A widely used framework for communicating status. Red means stop immediately, yellow means slow down or check in, green means all good or continue. Unlike red and yellow, green is typically given in response to a check-in rather than volunteered. ### verse (versatile) ```yaml id: verse see: [switch] aliases: [vers] ``` A person who enjoys both topping and bottoming. Sometimes extended to “vers top” or “vers bottom” to describe someone with a preference but who can still enjoy the other role. Not to be confused with *switch*, which refers to alternating between dominant and submissive roles rather than physical top/bottom roles ## Emic Terminology ### consensual non-consent (CNC) ```yaml id: consensual-non-consent ``` *1.* Where non-consensual scenarios are **consensually** agreed to in advance for specific acts, interactions, or timeframes. This may include scenarios where the participant is refusing (pleading, struggling, distress), unable to communicate (helplessness, immobilization, unawareness), or coerced (through escalating pressure or desperation), all of which are treated as part of the interaction rather than indicators to stop. Rape play, as a form of CNC, is sometimes mistaken for the term itself — though CNC spans a range of scenarios, including abduction, ravishment, and sleep play. *2.* When extended to the dynamic in part or as a whole, this agreement can suspend the operational right to withdraw consent by any means, including safewords — replicating non-consensual dynamics with maximal authenticity. Commonly used to enforce a prior agreement where opting out is itself part of what was surrendered, as illustrated in some dynamics involving chastity or punishment, where the absence of any remaining recourse is often central to the experience. ### post orgasm punishment ```yaml id: post-orgasm-punishment see: [kink-refractory-period] ``` A disciplinary practice where corrective measures involving pain, humiliation, or degradation are administered after a person orgasms, leveraging the refractory period’s physiological and psychological effects. Post-orgasm neurochemical shifts reduce arousal, kink receptivity, and pain tolerance, making punishments one might otherwise enjoy feel genuinely unpleasant and more impactful as a deterrent. Hypersensitivity of erogenous zones immediately following orgasm may also be exploited to intensify certain punishments. ### post orgasm torture (POT) ```yaml id: post-orgasm-torture ``` A practice where genital stimulation continues or intensifies immediately after a person reaches orgasm, leveraging the heightened sensitivity of the refractory period. Typically, the stimulation used would otherwise be pleasurable, but post-orgasm sensitivity transforms it into sensations ranging from mildly overwhelming to extremely painful. This often causes strong uncontrollable reactions like jerking, flailing, and spasms that mirror but often exceed the response to tickling. ### ruined orgasm ```yaml id: ruined-orgasm ``` An orgasm that is intentionally disrupted or manipulated to reduce the pleasure and relief it provides, though the orgasmic reflex still occurs. For a *fully ruined orgasm*, one devoid of any satisfaction, stimulation is withdrawn just as an orgasm is set in motion. This *point of no return* is ~3 to 4 seconds before the onset of ejaculation in individuals with penises or clitoral/vaginal contractions in others, but may vary per individual. (Some make a game of this; the longer between the withdrawal and onset of orgasm, the longer the *hang time*.) A *partially ruined orgasm* is one where stimulation continues past that point and still provides some pleasure and satiation. Other techniques may involve blocking ejaculation, pain, or distractions, but additional contact typically prevents a complete ruin. While not painful in itself, reactions to a successful ruin can range from disappointment to intense frustration. ### total power exchange (TPE) ```yaml id: total-power-exchange see: [consensual-non-consent] ``` A dynamic where authority over a submissive is total, extending into the fabric of daily life. Though a dominant rarely exercises authority across all domains at once, none are categorically off the table: diet, appearance, sleep, finances, travel, speech, and relationships — including the submissive's ability to exit the dynamic itself, which is what structurally distinguishes TPE from other ongoing arrangements. In practice, TPE typically begins as a fixed term (e.g. 2 weeks) with a scheduled renewal discussion before it expires. The endpoint many work toward is an open-ended arrangement terminable only by the dominant, with check-in windows narrowing over time as trust deepens. Even then, a completely closed arrangement with no exit mechanism of any kind is more often a shared aspiration than a lived reality; a narrow window (e.g. an hour a month) typically remains.